January is almost done! Time flies when you’re having fun. I’m not sure if there is a correlation there, I think time just flies. Time should be the face of Red Bull ads!
This year I have selected the intention word of purposeful. I’ve decided that I need to pay attention to the moments of my life more purposefully. The good, the bad and the ugly all need to be seen, heard and felt. I can’t walk through my life numb and like a zombie, I can’t eject myself out of my body, I can’t rent out my headspace to those that don’t mean me well. I refuse to allow myself to be my own worst enemy, critic and judge. I cannot go through life disliking myself and or feeling like as though I’m not worthy. These are all beliefs that have been formed at some point in my childhood which now result in very unhealthy experiences of self-criticism.
I’ve chosen the word purposeful because I need to practice it. To me it means paying attention to every moment and choosing what to do with it purposefully. It’s being here for life, and not there, in my head or in my phone. It’s about being able to choose stillness, busyness, anger, joy all of it. It’s about taking my power back and evicting all the tenants in my head that are not paying their rent! These are the thoughts that tell me I’ve disappointed others, or the ones that tell me that I have to be perfect, or the ones that refuse to see that I can make mistakes and still be loveable. F*ck right off is what I say to these tenants.
We will always will always remain our own worst critic, but we can find ways to tame the mind so that we have power over our experiences. Allowing us to recognise these thoughts and respond to them in a purposeful way and with kindness. This is the practice for this year, I’m not expecting myself to be wiped free of my judge, but I am expecting myself to kill it with kindness every time. See even that expectation is a disaster waiting to happen, because the reality is that some days the judge will win. Some days self pity will be the best that I can do. Some days, it will just be pure shit.
That’s ok.
It’s all ok.
This idea that it’s meant to be rainbow and butterflies is where all the trouble starts!
Had we known as children that life is messy, unfair, unkind, hurtful and disappointing, we would probably be more resilient and give less fucks about the downfalls. When you are setup with false expectations you are bound to be disappointed. These ideas that you need to be happy, you have to be successful, you need to always do your best, you have to be X, then Y and then Z etc. It’s time to reset your expectations so that you can set yourself free!
This is the truth and I’m not being pessimistic, but life has shit in it, A LOT of shit. It’s super uncomfortable being human at the best of times, and there are more things out there that hurt than not. BUT here is the other most critical piece of information, we have power in choosing how much of that shit to smother all over ourselves and how much of that shit we will wash and cleanse. It’s a crude analogy, for that I apologise, but it’s a truthful one.
What is this shit that I speak of? Some examples are: when you’re stuck in a marriage that didn’t turn out as planned, or when you lose a loved one, or when you’re made redundant, or when you realise your potential is not attainable, or that you don’t have the financial means to live a life you deserve, or that your friends abandon you, or that the climate is doomed and politicians are scums we can’t trust, or that the yoghurt you wanted to have after dinner has expired, or when your cat dies, or your girlfriend has dumped you, or when you are bullied in school, or when you don’t get recognition for your work etc. These are all experiences you will not like and want to eject yourself out of!
But, through all these experiences, you also have a choice to stay down or get up. To lick your wounds, or to keep them open and let them bleed until you bleed out. To lose your power or to become strong. To choose joy or to give into fear. To stay stuck or to fight to get out (even if you never do). You have a choice, we all have a choice. It’s how we decide to make sense of it all. I want to exercise this choice more often because god knows I keep forgetting that I have a choice!!
Some of us have been blessed with childhoods that have set us up to succeed as adults navigating the shit, but most of us will have to first unlearn everything we’ve learned as children in order to take up a higher vibration way of being. A way of thinking and approaching life that allows us to make the most of our moments. That equips us with enabling beliefs and not limiting ones.
For those of us who haven’t been given tools, I want to share it’s never too late. But it will be a harder path and one that will leave you exhausted. You’re allowed to rest, just make sure you always keep going! I have to unlearn so many dysfunctional thought processes in order to relearn healing and effective ones. It is draining, exhausting and unfair but it’s possible. Our brains have the ability to rewire, so use that ability to set yourself up for success! We can choose to reprogram ourselves or to give into the learning that has been passed down to us. I want freedom, so I choose to rewire my brain even if it is something I will have to do until my last breath.
What is the conclusion?
There is beauty if we seek it, there is joy if we allow it in, there is love if we stay open to it, there is hope where there is pain, there is kindness that can be fostered, there are little moments that allow us to step out of the shit and appreciate life for all its blessings. We are allowed to celebrate ourselves, even if we’re a work in progress. We are allowed to be happy, even if we don’t have everything working out the way we planned. We are allowed to be optimistic, even if we have been traumatised and dealt some awful set of cards.
Embrace the messy parts of life and know that amongst it all there is still so much beauty waiting to be appreciated by you.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 