It finally happened, a moment where I felt progress! When you’re on your Soul Journey, you are constantly evolving and whilst that is a given it’s also frustrating when you feel like your evolution is messy! My journey has required me to take 10 steps back and 1 step forward, and that is really hard to accept because it feels impossible to make progress. One’s growth is not linear and it’s not perfect either (I know that now). Last week I had a new experience in my Soul Journey, one that felt like a turning page, where I found myself at a cross-road with my thoughts and how they were starting to cloud my mind. I could observe the worry, the fear, the guilt and the uncertainty starting to wash over me and I was starting to identify with them, but then, the years of practice kicked in and I realised that I have a choice. That moment of choice is the progress I’m referring to. It’s one thing to intellectually know you have a choice, but it’s another to really notice the choice in the moment as it’s unfolding! I chose to observe the feelings, to acknowledge them, to identify what they want to bring to my attention in terms of my beliefs around the situation but then I chose to let them go.
This may not appear like much, but to me it was a moment of realisation. That the benefits of all our hard work on this path may not make themselves immediately known to us, but one day and in one moment, we will find ourselves resourced. The thousands of attempts at failing at this has led to one attempt of being able to apply the practice and choose a different way of reacting to the world and my experience in it – all in real time. This doesn’t mean that I’ve now cracked the code and from now on I will be able to adopt this practice! If I was to think that way I would be setting myself up to fail. It just means that I am capable of growth and progress, and that I need to trust that staying on this path will eventually help me navigate what life throws at me.
This is a hard concept to accept when you’re a high-achiever who needs results, outcomes, and things to ‘win’ so you can officially put it behind you as something that has been ‘completed’. But life is not results based, it’s experiential. We get so caught up in the ego striving for results, that we forget that results are an external measure of something that we’ve constructed! These thoughts of winning, achieving or arriving at a certain outcome are all desires of the ego. If we seek ultimate truth we need to let go of all of this, we need to realise that we may never arrive there, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort.
As I sit here looking out the window, hearing the birds chirping and the trees starting to blossom, I can’t help but appreciate how simple it all is. The act of being here, and not focusing on anything else except the present moment. It’s so simple and yet it feels impossible to attain most of the time. That’s because I have a belief that progress on presence means becoming more and more present each day. But that expectation is an egoistic approach to life, instead, I can embrace the me that shows up and with compassion greet her needs and help her feel comforted in what is ringing true to her. This release, this relaxation automatically means you are present without forcing anything on yourself.
If your progress is simply doing your best to commit to your growth and your journey, it’s still worth celebrating. Celebrate you and what you are proud of, and never compare yourself to others.
Love Always
M
Souloom™ 