I’ve been consumed with social media for the past 12 months; initially it started by coming across some of the reels on Facebook. I watched a couple to see what all the fuss was about. But now, fast forward and it’s an addiction, an escape, a toxic way of losing sight of what I have and comparing myself to others. It’s getting frustrated with myself, disappointed and annoyed. But all of this is an illusion, this is what social media does. It creates a fantasy world that looks, sounds and feels real but it’s a mirage. There is no depth or truth behind it, it’s just a manufactured and false reality projecting onto the viewer what the author wants them to see.
The addiction is real, the need to see what is out there so that I can feel connected. But I can also see the shifts it’s created in my life, the subtle negative self-talk, the slight green taste of envy, the feeling of lack of self-worth and love. It’s dangerous and I’m an adult! I’ve also become aware of how social media has replaced sugar for me, as I stopped eating sugar last year and so now when I’m low I reach for the phone instead of the chocolate. Observing these behaviours indicates to me that I have a problem with regulating my emotions. A problem which I was aware of when it came to anger but I can see clearly now that I also struggle with it when it comes to felling low.
Being low, bored or alone means I need to eject myself from that moment so I reach for the phone. I reach for the dopamine hit, anything that will distract me from the feeling that I need to feel. But at what cost? I’ve been doing this long enough now to know that it results in more bad than good. Can I overcome the addiction? Probably, but only if I find a healthy way to address my emotional needs.
There is also something else that this social media addiction has taught me, and that is my love for beauty, inspiration and learning. I love seeing creative things online and how people do things differently. I thrive on learning new ideas, new solutions, creative thinking and expression of self. I have become aware of how small my world is as I sit in my comfort zone blissfully unaware of all the various things that can be done. I’ve learned great recipes, self-care regiments and also some practical daily products that have made life easier. So, there is some positive outcome but the positive outcome doesn’t outweigh the amount of time I lose to this.
I need some structure like for example only going online to Pinterest or specific accounts once a week; to seek the ideas, the inspiration the beauty and not waste my life on phone. But that will only be possible once I have addressed the source of the issue which is my emotional regulation. Where to even start? The only answer that comes to mind is meditation, stillness and writing. Possibly nature walks and time alone pondering too. But I don’t even allow myself to do that with the headphones in and the music on.
Technology has taken over everything, connectivity has become engrained in daily life to the point that it’s hard to decouple from it without feeling discombobulated! But I have been reflecting on this, on what I want my life to mean and what experiences I want to collect for myself and I definitely don’t want it to be that I ‘netflix and chilled’ my life away; or that I collected products, clothes and materials, or that I measured my self-worth through comparison of where I am in the social pecking order etc. I don’t want to collect numbness as my badge for life or measure my moments based on how much I think I have.
I want my life to be full of beauty, like birds chirping, flowers blooming, friendships flowing, laughter in the room, stillness and peace, acceptance, love and warmth. I want to focus on building hobbies that bring me joy and enables skills in me that I can share with others to bring them joy too. I want to connect with myself, nature and with others. I want to be a part of something bigger, brighter and more wholesome. That doesn’t come with social media, that comes from being fully present in my life.
It’s going to be so uncomfortable, it’s going to be hard before it gets easy but I really hope that I conquer this mountain and in a year or two look back and celebrate the growth.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 