What matters?
What has true meaning and what do we attach meaning to?
Does it matter that your idea at work was rejected? Or that you were cut off at the traffic lights? Or that your partner didn’t do what you asked them to? Or that your kids are chewing with their mouths open?
Does any of this matter? If so, why? If not, then what does?
I’ve been pondering about what has meaning in life and this reflection is a slippery dark road. If you think too hard you can wind up down a dark hole of apathy, numbness, loss of meaning and ultimately depression. But if you step out of the thinking and into the wisdom, relaxing your body and paying attention to the feelings that arise, you may notice that most of the things that upset us, or that we worry about, or that we are distracted with, are simply things that we have attached some form of meaning to.
What is meaningful without attachment? I suspect things such as being kind, thoughtful, forgiving, calm, generous, patient, understanding. Or beautiful things such as the sunrise and sunset, mother earth and nature. Perhaps it’s the memories that we build with our loved ones, and dare I say with ourselves in our minds and in our bodies. It’s the moments we are present, at peace and we can feel our entire being. If these are the things that have meaning, then what are we doing wasting our time, energy and focus on things that are simply attachments that we’ve decided to care about?
I know this can be hard to accept, and I’m not saying that other things can’t be important to us. But what I am curious about is whether importance is a scale and we get to choose where we place things on that scale. Let’s take the examples I shared above:
An idea being rejected at work doesn’t have to mean that we’re being rejected, it’s about an idea (that someone else could have also had) that was not received in the way we would have liked.
Being cut off at traffic lights is frustrating, but at the end of the day is it more effective to exert energy on that experience or to maintain the energy for something that we love and care about?
When our partners don’t do the things we ask of them, it can evoke a lot of emotions including disappointment. But unless it’s a major clash with a fundamental value or a non-negotiable boundary for us, then is it worth building resentment, frustration and distance with our partners? A simple example of this comes up with chores around the house, where it’s not uncommon for two people to have different attitudes. But are chores going to be the cause for divide between a couple or will they serve as a reminder that we have a choice around what we put weight on in our lives?
As with kids, I can’t talk about this through first hand experience so the only comment I will make is that most parents want the best for their kids, but sometimes they can be so focused on in the moment lessons that they can lose sight of the overall impact that lesson can have.
Ultimately all of this comes down to what we give meaning to; each of us has the right to choose where that meaning is going to be expended. There is no right way, there is no wrong way, there is no particular way other than our subjective way of being in the world. We all come into this world, dancing around, thinking that we know what we’re doing but all we know is what we think. And what we think is largely determined by what we’re taught, so if we want to learn something new, we can. If we want to think something different, it’s possible.
Be curious about what you attach meaning to and observe if it is adding joy, peace and love into your life, or if it’s robbing you of the beautiful things that you deserve.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 