What is wrong with me?
A question that may cross our minds more often than not. But where does this stem from? This idea that there is something wrong to begin with? A belief that we must be broken, damaged, wrong, incomplete or not good enough?
These thoughts stem from an environment that has taught us to focus on the emptiness instead of the fullness. This perspective will only hold us back or at best make us chase things that will never fill the void. When we see ourselves in this way, we are also bound to see others in the same light. What is wrong with you? What are you doing? What are you saying? Why are you the way you are and not the way I expect you to be?
How we lose sight of the beauty around and within us when we are lost in the darkness, the emptiness and the void. Seldom do we learn to focus on the beauty, it’s something we need to fight for and something we need to continuously remind ourselves of. We have learned that seeing the beauty is ridden with guilt, because how can we possibly pay attention to beauty when there is suffering around us? How can we celebrate the good, when there are so many things that are bad?
This battle is a false illusion of compassion and empathy, for ourselves and others. Suffering fosters suffering, there is no winner in that equation. But if we pay attention to the beauty within us, we can foster the beauty outwards to all those that are around us. Eventually, perhaps through generations to come, there will be more love than hate, more equality than not and more faith than fear. It all depends on one belief, the belief of how we view ourselves in the world. We cannot see others in the light that they deserve if we consistently view ourselves in a deprecating way.
So don’t ask yourself what is wrong with you, instead, pause and ask yourself what is right with me? What is joyful within me? What is beautiful and wholesome? Strong and grounded? Peaceful and kind? What can I pay attention to in this moment with all the suffering that surrounds me? How can I be of service to myself and the world through the thoughts that I cultivate? What can I do to help myself radiate the energy the world needs to heal?
If we sty stuck in our own thoughts we are only pouring more ego fuel into the blocked consciousness that is our reality. The greed, the hate, the divide, the hurt, the fear, the rejection the disrespect is not going to change if we can’t even learn to love ourselves unconditionally. How can it? How can we know what unconditional love is if we don’t extend it to ourselves? Can you ever love another person if you don’t love yourself first? How would you know it’s love and not attachment? How would you know it’s not the need for them to feel a void or a story? These are the questions that I ponder on as I observe myself go from one ego state to another. From a moment of clarity to a moment of loss. From a moment in love to a moment of fear. From the understanding of what is, to the uncertainty of all that is not. This is the dance of life, the state of ever flowing and shifting. The state of not knowing but always pondering.
Be with yourself, the way you’d hope others would be. Love yourself with tenderness and learn to be accepting of the parts of you that have thorns. We have the choice to practice where we lay our focus, if you always look for the bad, the wrong and the dark that’s inevitably what you will find. But if you practice searching for the light, the calm, the love, the acceptance and the gifts that are all around us, then that will be the theme of your life.
Don’t become victim to the lies you’ve learnt from those who didn’t know how to teach you truth. Decide for yourself, choose for yourself what feels right, true and pure.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 