You can’t protect your loved ones from what they need to experience.
You can’t control them.
You can’t lecture them or tell them what to do.
You can’t stop them or cage them.
You can’t clip their wings because you’re afraid.
You can’t rob them of their freedom.
You can’t dictate how they should be and what they should do.
You can’t belittle them or dismiss them.
You can’t decide for them.
You can’t lie to them.
You can’t disempower them.
You can’t be responsible for them.
You can’t overstep in the name of love.
We all have unhealthy behaviours that hurt those we love. So much of this is unconscious because a lot of the time we have the best of intentions. We forget though that we are all born resourced. We all have a divine journey awaiting us and on that journey no one but god is walking with us. It’s interesting because we all want to protect our loved ones, we want to stop them from experiencing adversity, pain or struggle. But without these there is no opportunity to grow.
We can also project our own fears, anxieties and concerns onto them; post rationalising our behaviours in the name of love. But really what we are doing is avoiding the healing that we need to do within. So many relationships are anchored on unmet needs, expectations and give and take transactions. It’s hard work to not feel disappointed when your partner doesn’t show up the way you need or want them to.
We go into relationships with so many unspoken assumptions and then start feeling resentment and eventually contempt because those assumptions turn out to be false. So what is the answer? To love another you must truely and fully love yourself. When you learn that you are capable of meeting your needs, of licking your own wounds and of feeling secure within yourself you are setting yourself free from expectations and stepping into the zone of pure love. Of course, for pure love to flourish, it’s important for both parties to be aligned in their consciousness and approach to doing the inner work.
I’ve been doing a lot of work learning about myself in relationship dynamics and here are some lessons that I’ve learned and that I am working on putting into practice. Here are some gifts we can give to our loved ones:
We can accept them for who they are by seeing beyond their behaviours and paying attention to their intentions.
We can create a space full of compassion and kindness so they can feel held as they work on healing their soul wounds.
We can celebrate their ideas and ways of being in the world, cheering them on in their one precious life.
We can hold up the mirror that reflects their beautiful qualities and hold them tenderly when they feel confronted by their flaws.
We can be honest and true to them, keeping things real and authentic.
We can take joy in their sense of freedom and empowerment.
We can maintain healthy boundaries whilst creating warmth and connection.
We can learn from our mistakes and apologise where we have fallen short.
We can put the effort into our own healing and growth, so they can focus on their own healing and growth.
We can release our expectations whilst informing them of our needs.
We can forgive them continuously and remind ourselves that they are messy humans too.
It’s hard staying in the space of pure love, it’s hard letting go of the programming we have been fed. But I truly believe that to become better at love, we need to start by loving ourselves deeply.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 