Does anyone know what they want? Behind all the materialism, what is it that we are striving for?
The hollowness that comes from abandoning yourself keeps growing until it turns into a blackhole that will swallow you. It’s important to pause and notice who you are underneath all the noise. To notice what is meaningful to you, and to embrace every opportunity to experience that.
I thought I knew what I wanted and I took steps to live in alignment with it. But I have found myself lost and confused again and this has made me realise that burnout can strip you of everything. The disconnection makes it appear like the blackhole is growing, but really you’re just stuck in this zombie state of exhaustion where being feels like too much work.
I started to panic at the thought of being lost but after taking a breath I came to realise that there is no such thing as being lost. You’re only lost if you knew what directions you needed to take, but life is not clear like that and so I guess in a way we’re all lost!
I sit here, exhausted, upset and stressed. Tired, bored and disconnected. There is no room for fear or panic to settle in because both require energy, which I simply don’t have. But I remain open and curious about what it means to be so exhausted that your only viable option is acceptance. To observe my life and accept that this is the season.
In this season all that is necessary is just to release and let go. There is no room for anything else. What do I want? The short answer is, I don’t know, but I don’t need to know right now; things will fall into place when I am better.
Love Always
M
Souloom™ 