Gentle return..

It’s been a while since I have posted. I needed to take a step back and recalibrate myself after the burn out last year. I am not fully me yet, but I am better. Sometimes we have to step back and pause. Fall down and stay down. Let go and release. Sometimes the only way we can be ok is to first allow the not ok parts to heal.

When I first started this journey of self-evolution and growth, I thought it would be a linear journey. One where your efforts would be rewarded with results you could see and feel. I thought if you did the work you could expect the “win”. Whilst at times this may have been true, I have come to appreciate that life is far more nuanced than that. That there is so much colour to it and each colour has various shades. That not all blue is felt the same, not all green is seen the same and not all yellow is heard the same. I’ve learnt that we cannot run ourselves into the ground by doing, growing, and never stopping. Perhaps this is why nature has seasons, because rest is a part of rebirth and if you don’t honour it you will eventually pay the price.

There is so much I wanted to achieve and do; but all these are driven by parts of me that are not mine at all. Fears, insecurities and hopes. Aspiring for greatness is wonderful, only if you know how to stay grounded on your two feet and content with all the small moments in life.

I am realising that pausing, slowing down or letting go are not forms of quitting or giving up, rather accepting that perhaps I need to reconsider my approach and align with myself. That the pursuit of goals shouldn’t make you blind to the pursuit of Self. The Self that is not of ego but of truth.

I have come to appreciate that I have held perspectives that were limiting and that I have placed expectations on myself that are not healing and expansive. I have to relearn so much but not out of the desire to grow. Rather, recognising that for this one precious life to be lived fully, I must release all that doesn’t belong to me. Step out of the vibrations and thoughts that don’t serve me and let go of relationships and environments that bring me down.

I want to learn how to love me for me without doing. I want to return home to me. I want to remember.

I am not sure what is ahead, but I do know that life is nuanced and I need to be accepting of that.

A little poem as a reminder for myself as I let go and come back to the here and now.

HERE:

Here, in this moment I sit in peace.

Here, I can recognise the love in me.

Here, I am all that I can be.

Here, right now is all I need.

Here, I wait for another moment longer.

Here, I won’t judge or wonder.

Here, I feel all that surrounds me.

Here, I pause and listen to what’s within me.

Love Always,

M