Recently I have been faced with a few changes in my life which are all meant to be positive, yet somehow I am left frustrated, disappointed and at times upset.
As a perfectionist who is far too harsh on herself and also as someone who needs to be in control in order to feel any sense of security, I am now increasingly losing my sense of control over my life and so I am left feeling anxious and confused.
Do better, be better; a constant and unconscious dialogue that is running in the background 24/7 even when I am asleep, leaving me exhausted.
Who am I? All the things I thought I knew about myself somehow seem to be nothing more but an illusion, as I enter a different stage of my adulthood. I wonder how many people think and feel the same, is this just the way of humanity to constantly go through life judging ourselves and striving for improvement? Or do people actually feel content with their inner being and outer behaviours?
All I know is that I’ve disappointed myself the most because I haven’t given myself the love and gratitude which I so proudly offer to others and or expect in return from them.
I know I want to shed these self destructive characteristics and behaviours, yet I always end up back in square one. But nevertheless I won’t give up on making another attempt at being gentler towards myself.
Life is passing me by everyday and I can’t afford to waste another breath or moment putting everything and everyone elses needs before my own. I’ve neglected myself for so long that I am now at the verge of losing grip of the path and lifestyle I had once dreamt of for myself. I also have focused on my disappointments and discomforts as oppose to my achievements and strengths. All I can do is breath and accept the fact that I am not perfect and no one expects me to be so but me!
A few days ago I came across the below quote feom Khalil Gibran that took me into an instant journey of reflection which resulted in a loud response of WOW and shit! So few words, yet the message couldn’t have resonated with me more!
We are all our own worst enemies and we all need to learn to extend our love and gratitude towards ourselves first and foremost. If we aren’t able to achieve inner love and peace then we deny others of our full potential and ultimately deny ourselves the basic and pure joys of life.
This is a journey that will take time and I can’t dwell on the time that I have already wasted; a very dear friend of mine who is one of the angels in my life shared another important quote with me that has given me the strength and inspiration to be kinder to myself. It goes like this:
Don’t kling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it – Unknown
I will remember this everytime I feel disappointed with myself and will remind myself that I need to forgive myself for my mistakes and move on. We all do, too often we punish ourselves over past mistakes. But what do we achieve out of this? Nothing!
To anybody out there that is going through a similar journey, be kinder to yourself, love yourself, forgive your past and look at all the beautiful bright moments in your life. Your precious just as you are, it’s time that you start recognising that.
Dream on, be kind, be good.
Love always
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 