I’m free from the shackles which I put on myself for years, the shackles of desparate attempts at being validated that I’m good enough at my job. A never ending desire to please those around me so that I can be recognised for my inputs and views. But for years I had the shackles of constraint on me, because in a world where things are black and white there is no desire for colour to be introduced. Why? Because change and difference is threatening and no one likes being threatened.
Like all aspects of my life my professional career has been driven by the perfectionist tendencies to be the best but it’s had the most incongruance because I’ve not had the chance to reap the benefits of my efforts. One of the best things that my mentor told me is that I need to go where I’m celebrated, not tolerated; this is true for all of us. We are not all meant to fit into every job, every company or every industry. But that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, counter to popular belief, in most circumstance the problem is almost always with the company / team culture.
The recent changes in my life have made me realise that I am the one who decides what and how I want to be treated professionaly. Like any relationship, your professional relationship is in your control. Sometimes we can’t change jobs as flexibly or quickly as we would like, but it’s important to recognise that the experiences we have at work are not definitive and they are only reflective of one portion of our lives. We invest so much time and energy at our jobs that it can often be mistaken as the source of self worth. But in reality most of us are in jobs that we’ve either fallen into or remain in because of financial security or level of stability. Not all of us are in love with our jobs and or even know what our dream job is and so it’s important to understand your personality, understand your values and also understand what the impact of the environment can be on you.
For me, I’m ambitious – I don’t strive for status but I strive for financial security as well purpose. At the same time I’m creative, sensitive, emotionally intelligent and intuitive, I thrive in an environment where people can collaborate in a respectful way and are able to generate work that contributes to either a cause or to the welfare of others. I don’t like politics if it is intended at maintaining egos and I don’t enjoy competition if it means walking over each other. My competitive nature doesn’t trump my respect and value in others, so for me it’s important that I get to where I get to because of my hard work and contribution and not because I’m better at putting others down and lifting myself up in the process.
Now, I may sound a bit bitter – but that’s only because I’ve had some really difficult experiences as part of my career. I’ve also had some great experiences that have helped me grow into the person that I am today. But one of the lessons I need to continuously work on is the value I put in the way that I am perceived by those in the work place. Even though I no longer seek external validation consciously, when I don’t get that validation I tend to question my own abilities and my value. I particularly question my value when I don’t get the opportunities that I know I have worked for and am capable of excelling in. Sometimes I feel ashamed for the way in which I’ve progressed in my career but then I realise that is a narrative I tell myself so that I can suffer (ego trigger here).
The reality is that for the past 8 years I’ve placed my values and intentions into areas that don’t result in career progression but rather self growth. I’ve stayed in environments longer than they served me – because I didn’t realise that quitting is sometimes the best solution. There is still a lot for me to learn professionally but I also need to be honest, kind and patient with myself in determining the path that brings me joy. The thing is, when you’re a perfectionist you procrastinate a lot on making changes because you are not perfect at the new thing that you are more interested in. But I need to find my centre, build my own trust and make my way towards the type of career and future that I dreamed for myself.
That may come with it’s own challenges, but it will also have it’s own wins. As I sit here typing this I can hear the voice in my head building the narrative already around how I’m not good enough, what make you think you can do anything entrepreneurial or the recurring one that gets me the most “what if you’re not capable and you’re just being arrogant” – that one is the hardest narrative to shake because it demonstrates my utter fear of failure.
All I have to say is that if you’re in a job that is not serving you and you are currently unable to leave that environment for whatever reason, please please please don’t let the environment and those around you define you. Don’t let them get into your head, rent a space and poison you with their perceptions of you. You are in control of the boundaries you set for others, so set a firm one with those that don’t celebrate you, that don’t bring you joy and that don’t help you grow. When the time is right, get yourself out of that environment and pursue your dreams and trust that you are worth the change, growth and challenge.
Easier said than done, but if you work on this everyday sooner or later you will get there.
Love Always
Miss Dreamer
Souloom™ 