Coping…

In life we are always faced with uncertainty and change, but I think the covid-19 pandemic has made us realise this truth as we are forced to face it whether we like to or not. For some, this truth has always been in their consciousness and for others, it’s something that they’ve avoided because it can be hard and painful. Either way, please be kind to yourself because we each have our own journey and there is no right or wrong on the path that we are on.

I myself, have been aware of this truth but I haven’t been coping with it in a deliberate way. That is, when I was faced with all the changes and uncertainties before covid-19 hit, instead of finding my grounding and practicing things that give me peace and stillness, I gave into the anxiety, the stress and the crushing need to control whatever I could to ensure I get the outcome that I want. This is because I’m a high control person and I believe that you can drive your own life – well at least my ego believes this, but I am wise enough to know now after all the failed ‘plans’ in my life, that life has it’s own plans for you and you can only influence what you’re given, so that you can make the most of it and enjoy it. The pandemic however, has really pushed me into a corner of ensuring that I prioritise practices and habits that maintain my mental health and my inner peace, because I feel deeply and I have been experiencing a lot of trauma, change and uncertainty even before the pandemic hit. Like all humans, I have my own threshold and so if I realised very quickly that if I don’t make some serious changes to my routine and how I take care of me, then I will definitely have a mental breakdown and won’t be able to get myself out of it without external intervention.

I have to say, that despite all the things that do make me sad and anxious right now, trying to do the practices that I know help me personally has given me enough energy to keep on going in a more healthier way. For me, these habits consist of prayer, meditation, journalling, blogging, talking to friends, light exercising, yoga, some form of intellectual engagement like learning a language or studying a short course and doing the things that I feel like in any given day. I don’t do these religiously in that I don’t do these everyday, but what I do is listen to what I need and choose from the buffet of self-care options that I know have worked for me in the past. I also make sure that I don’t watch the news because frankly it doesn’t help me at all and it just makes me sick.

I find that meditation and prayer make a huge difference, but again this is not done perfectly or based on the rituals that are taught. This is done in a way that suits me and I encourage everyone to attempt these things in a customised way so that you can find what works for you and how.

In dedication to meditative practices, I was inspired to write this poem.

I hope it inspires you to find your still place, take care of yourself and continue on your soul journey with kindness, forgiveness and non-judgement.

 

I have been here before,

I visit this place when I am low,

There is a calmness to it that helps me flow,

I come here when I lose all hope,

It doesn’t judge me, it just opens it’s doors,

In this space, I sit and listen,

To the stillness, the noise, the whispers,

They call my name, they taunt my thoughts, they make me doubt,

But still I sit, firmly on the ground,

I don’t run, I don’t fear, I don’t shame,

I don’t do anything I’ve been taught, I just stay,

To observe all the feelings, the discomfort, the rage,

They show me all the wounds I carry from the flames,

Each day that we breath, in the world out there,

We feel the pressure, the strain and the despair,

This life is full of abundance and care,

But abundance isn’t always beautiful, sometimes it glares,

If all things were constant and never changed,

Then we would never leave the shallows and in the sand we’d remain,

So, when I feel the armour is heavy and my knees are weak,

I walk into this space and find my retreat,

I hold myself, with as much love that I have left,

Until the love turns into light that I can share,

I open my eyes and find the world out there,

Wondering if this time, I can find air,

I never stop dreaming of better days,

But I know that there will be paths that go different ways,

This was never meant to be easy,

And is not what we would choose freely,

It it is full of loss and grieving,

But despite knowing this, I take a step towards the open road,

Praying that eventually it will guide me home,

I don’t look back, or forward, but I have hope,

So I put on my armour, feeling softer than before,

We all have our paths, we all have our pain,

But we can guide ourselves out of this dismay,

Don’t be afraid of that you cannot see,

Life was never meant to be a crystal ball it’s a vast sea,

As you continue despite the strain,

Remember yourself, the blood that runs through your veins,

We are queens and kings, we are holy in every way,

Don’t worry if you can’t be perfect, it’s an illusion that will go away,

Love yourself, love thy neighbour, love him and her,

Love is the only place we can surrender,

So take a breath, maybe one or two more,

Every day is a blessing, we will find our eternal joy.

 

Love Always,

M