The purpose of work..

When you don’t pay attention to yourself, you can find yourself in a spiral. I’ve been so judgemental of myself and others over the past few weeks because I’ve let go of so much of my self care routine. I’ve noticed that I’m growing space for my pain and fears as opposed to enhancing my strengths and optimism. I’m following the familiar dark paths of the mind that have been embedded instead of creating new pathways that will allow me to give people and situations the benefit of the doubt.

I expect too much from myself and others and don’t pay attention to what I can readily give or what they are offering. This is all the consequence of allowing the mind to grow busier and busier, until it finds its familiar tune so that it won’t lose control. I’ve noticed that a lot of this is associated to my new role. I’ve found myself going from excitement and optimism to disappointment and exhaustion. What has caused this? I know from my colleagues that the client group that I have is notoriously challenging and that at the moment there is far too much demand taking place.

But external factors rarely have the power to completely dismantle your life, unless you give them that power. What is bothering me is the realisation that I’ve prioritised the need to fulfil a role over the need to take care of myself. I’ve allowed the pressure and stress to consume my mind, body and my life, robbing me of who I want to be and what I want to do. Letting go of myself in the process so that I’m becoming nothing more than an executor and an enabler for others. If this energy was spent for a good cause and or charity then I could feel some level of purpose and therefore know that what is being sacrificed is serving a greater good. But like most people who work in high pressure corporate jobs I’m a slave to progress, status, success, money and others perception of me.

Therefore, letting go of myself in the process serves no one but the corporation of which in a moments’ batter of an eyelid will swap me out for another if it had to. So, where does that leave me? I can continue to go down the spiral and find myself more and more exhausted and stressed or, I can accept the circumstance in front of me and make a plan to utilise it to my advantage as part of my growth and evolution.

It’s important to know yourself well enough to know what it is that you want, what it is that you need and what it is that you will not leave open for negotiation with anyone. One must reflect on where their current situation fits in with the broader plan and journey of their life. Is it of service to your joy or is it of service to your constraints? Being clear and deliberate about what purpose everything has is important to me because then it justifies the decisions I make around it and what energy I put into it.

For me, this job serves a few fundamental purposes:

• To explore and uncover my leadership style, what do I want that to look like and how will it manifest itself when I am under stress
• To enable me to learn and understand my strengths. What gives me joy and buzz vs what drains me and generates stress
• To give myself the opportunity to shift my mindset from feeling threatened, therefore, working to please others vs feeling empowered and knowing that I’m equal to those I work with
• To give me the opportunity to achieve some of my financial goals
• To give me the opportunity to seek international assignments and perhaps find a pathway to the UK
• To learn to prioritise and protect my self care and personal needs above all else
• To learn to let go of the thoughts and narratives that creates stress and fear in me. Challenging me to stay in the space of enthusiasm and optimism.

These are the goals and aims, so I need to find ways to bring these to the forefront of my mind when I’m being pulled into many directions. I have the control and power to manage my thoughts if I create the space of awareness to notice them and take action. What is the worst that can happen if I prioritise myself? Simply nothing, it’s a job and that is all it is. It does not form my identity, it doesn’t mean defeat or failure, it doesn’t imply worth and or value, it doesn’t mean anything but an opportunity to learn, grow and earn.

We need to be the owners of our own happiness and our own joy. If we constantly give to others and or go with the flow, we will find ourselves tangled in the demands and pressures of the egos around us. That’s not where joy lies, joy lies in our values and in love. Never forget that.

Love Always,

M