Today I had enough!
I’m over the same old narratives, stories and thoughts that have been replaying in the background and or sometimes at the centre stage of my mind.
I journaled about all the people who disappointed me, abandoned me, hurt me, disrespected me, abused me, betrayed me, intimidated me, put me down, bullied me and in some shape or form hurt me. These stories have been keeping me stuck in the past, I’m over it. I’m done with these people occupying space in my mind and experiences in my body. What’s happened in the past is there, in the past and I don’t want to be stuck there. I’ve been working on releasing these feelings over the past 4 years and little by little I’ve been able to reduce their grip on me.
But today I woke up feeling triggered by an experience at work that made me feel unworthy. After conversations with my manager who supported me through the process, I realised that I’m giving my power away to someone who frankly doesn’t even matter. Why? Because they’re senior and because they’re in an ‘in-group’ of respected people. But at the end of the day if I’m on my death bed I wouldn’t even think about this person.
The amount of energy we waste on strangers that we don’t even know but somehow interact with through an arbitrary work environment is insane! When you don’t have people around you who celebrate you, you need to make sure you guard yourself from intruders. Don’t let your thoughts get painted by the opinions and behaviours of those who are clearly not aligned to you.
I’m done with reducing myself to nothing because others are bullies. I’m done with giving my power away to others. I’ve been through enough adversity to know that I am the one who gets to choose how I feel in my body and mind. I’m the one who gets to decide if I’m worthy, and if I ever find myself in an environment where there is a mismatch between my beliefs and those around me then it’s evident that I’m in an environment that is not fit for me and or my values.
Today’s realisation felt full of anger and power; there is momentum behind this feeling and one that I will cultivate more of. I have enough tools in my arsenal now to help myself get out of the patterns that are harmful. I am on a journey of creating beliefs that will celebrate me, love me and make me feel good about myself. Gradually I will be able to rewire the old thoughts with the new, and when that happens I will be free.
We have this one precious life and that life deserves to be lived with the fullest level of joy and peace as possible. The trauma’s of the past, the behaviours of those in the present and the unkind acts of those around you don’t have to be the loudest parts of your life. At the end of the day it’s all about how much you love yourself, how much you value yourself, how much you celebrate yourself, how much you care for yourself. It’s about stepping away from the noise and stepping into the silence of your heart, where wisdom and beauty lies.
Whatever happened the past I am letting go; I don’t have the time or energy to spend on these things anymore. The only things from the past that I’m holding onto is my hard earned wisdom and the nostalgic memories. Everything else is unnecessary and unhelpful. I know that trauma triggers will come, I know hormones will have a say on my decision to let go, I know that being human isn’t this simple, but I also know that I’m done with letting the patterns be my master. I’m going to take control back of my own mind, so I’m starting out with my thoughts.
Find your way out of the clutter, the noise, the stories; set yourself free.
Love Always,
M
Souloom™ 